Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
