u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
