My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
