i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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