After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
