in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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