When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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