Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
