I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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