My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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