I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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