I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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