I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
