so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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