Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
