Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
