Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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