: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Randomize
