I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
