I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize