i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
