God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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