is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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