I met the friendliest cop last night
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
