Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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