Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
