honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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