dude i'm inner monologue high
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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