I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
