Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
