"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
