Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize