My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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