My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
