we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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