i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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