There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
