She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
