It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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