My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
