Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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