I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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