ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
