Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
