i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
