Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
