Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
