Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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