....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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