just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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