that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
