I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
