I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
