theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
