Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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