so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
