My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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