Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
