her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
