Please, let me fuck your mom
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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