Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
