spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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