Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
