there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
