Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
