Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
