the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
