i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize