Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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