Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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