no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
