i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
