did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
