Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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