This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
